and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
