Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love you. Go after that dick
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
