Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize