I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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