"it" just moved
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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