If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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