its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
