I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
this is an emotional support booty call
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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