i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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