I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
