just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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