I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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