I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
