I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
