no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
