I wish I could teleport
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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