I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize