I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
