I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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