tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
