I think im going to throw up on grandma
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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