Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
