ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
