Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
