I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
