Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
