I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
