we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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