can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
