i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
