return my video game
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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