I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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