Soap is not a condiment
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
