he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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