never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
