Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
