dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
