I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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