I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize