I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am available for nakedness
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
