Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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