so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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