when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
