I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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