i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
