WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
