I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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