hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
