U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
