I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
