so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
