I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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