These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
