And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
