i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
