Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
