I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
