Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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