Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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