We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
