I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
