woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
