Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
