Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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